Two thousand and seventeen was a whirlwind; a beautiful mess of unpredictable, incredible, forgettable, indescribable, turbulent and transformational moments. I travelled to ten different cities, on nineteen planes and five trains and found myself changing with every crossing border.

Looking back throughout this year, I have grown and changed and struggled and thrived, all at once and moments apart. I can barely remember the person I was at the beginning of the year or through the first few months. Only visual fragments can piece together such a time from which I have evolved from immensely. I made promises to myself that I both broke and kept, aspirations that I met and ran away from, all piecing together a year of contradictions and achievements, cold midnight skies and warm golden sunlight.

It went so quickly that I kept a lot of it all to myself, photographs hidden in drawers and folders and half edits left untouched and unseen by the world; sharing it all mainly with myself. However, this coming year I want to share my encapsulations of creations, memories and feelings more with others. I want to be more vulnerable, open myself up to more connections and spontaneity.

The second half of this year brought me the most independence I’ve ever had to face when I moving into my own studio apartment in Paris, after having shared an apartment in Paris with four girls prior. Growing up as an only child, being by myself was something I thought I was so familiar and comfortable with. But living completely alone, between four silent walls, well let’s just say it was an unpredictable adjustment with a lot of phone calls home. I hid away a little too much, ran away to too many cafes and lived through too many empty evenings feeling lonely and disconnected. I let my passions get a little too lost in the raindrops that blurred my windows but in two thousand and eighteen I want to capture as many encapsulating moments in time through black ink scribbles and splattered paint pages but mainly through a lens; in moving momentary memories and colours stood still on a photograph.

And while I often find myself forgetting the best moments and reminiscing on the faults, this last year I also created the most amazing memories with the people I’m closest with. Holidays home in Spain in the summer, spending time with incredible family that I love so much. Swimming under the sun, card games and a stomach full with laughs and love. Travelling to Switzerland for my best friend’s twenty first birthday; playing games in the garden, so much fun and smiles, sunsets by the lake and lounging in the warmth of summer and just having the best time with one of my favourite people, Melanie. 

Travelling on trains and planes and wandering through so many new places with my best jam bean pal, Caitlyn, in Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Barcelona and then later in London. Evening grocery aisle dancing, carrying around a pot of jam whilst continuously jamming when they were playing our jam, swimming in hot baths to find the other bath was warmer as we were leaving, seeing the most beautiful views and wandering through wondrous new worlds. Paris days spent in cafes, laughing over gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt and having endless Harry Potter chats.

Turning twenty one in London. I spent the day having afternoon tea at Sketch. Stairs guided me down into a rose tinted room with walls of art where I was led to my table accompanied by soft violin symphonies. Moments later, my body was filled with teacups upon teacups of lychee red tea and delectable little sandwiches and desserts. I blew out a little candle and made a wish that I wrote on a folded piece of paper in my mind, to be read when it comes true. I also had a lovely birthday lunch in London with family in a room decorated with pink balloons and banners and a rainbow layered cake and then we let most of the balloons fly high in the sky where I like to think they drifted off to places we haven’t discovered yet.

Back in Paris and at university, I rediscovered my love for imagining up stories and creating places and characters in the pages of my mind. I met new beautiful souls and spent time with those I already had so much love for. I saw Lorde in concert which was the best night of my life. I wish I could put into words how incredible and honestly, life changing her concert was, I’ll never get over it and will never be the same. From the celestial energy to the harmonizing colours to her illuminating presence and her overwhelmingly radiating aura and lyrics and endless talent. I became a little glitter fairy for the night and left with sparkles in my heart and glitter filled veins. A few weeks later I saw Billie Eilish live and got to meet her after. I was mesmerised by the amount of talent and confidence she has for someone so young. She is wise way beyond her years and her voice is just indescribably perfect and was just one of the coolest people I’ve ever met.  

I experienced my first thanksgiving with the loveliest group of friends, picnics by the river and in gardens with Jeanne & Martha, evenings out in Paris, getting lost in the lights and the sounds of the city and its symphonies. Sometimes drinking a little too much but mostly not enough champagne and red wine and rose. Brunching with the best and strolling through gardens and just being around the loveliest people that make me feel more at home. 

But twenty seventeen will slowly fade away tomorrow evening, in sparks of  fireworks, champagne bubbles and first and last kisses. Looking forward, there will be no resolutions or promises to myself that I know I’ll break in an instant but a series of dreams, both whimsical and conceivable. Some I’ll see in the next three hundred and sixty five days, some maybe only in many many months. But whatever happens, I’ll be okay. Always.